His response came at 10:27 the next morning. It felt like an eternity to me!
Good morning! Could you please send me a phone number? Trying to type when I am nervous is not a good thing. I am willing to meet and do anything for you to have peace of mind. When we talk I will try to answer any questions that you may have. - Jimbo
His short little email answered so many of my questions. First of all, he responded when he could have ignored me. He was also nervous. He didn't think that I was a fruit cake. He was willing to meet with me, and he was so generous and kind.
However, there was this one thing that created a sinking feeling in my stomach! I really, completely despise talking on the phone. Especially to someone that I do not know, and even more so if the conversation is something emotionally charged. I would much rather talk with someone face to face so that I can see how they are receiving the information, or I am even okay to write to them, but the phone just creates a weirdness for me that is hard to overcome. Weird, I know, but it's just one of those things for me.
I worried on and off throughout the day about what to say. I didn't want him to think badly of me by disliking the phone idea, and I also wanted to be considerate of his request since he had been so kind to me. It was a busy Friday at the office, and I finally got the chance to respond to his email in the afternoon. In the end, I decided to just be honest.
Hi there.
Apologies for the delayed response. It's been a busy day at work. I TOTALLY understand the nerves thing - I've had to work really hard to be productive today because of nerves.
I'll gladly share my cell (the number was here), but I must admit that I really despise talking on the phone. I would rather communicate in person or in writing. So ... if email is not for you ... maybe coffee is? Would you be available/interested to chat in person? I'm free all weekend - except for this evening. I'm also available on Tuesday/Thursday evening of next week.
If agreeable, throw out a time and a place and we can go from there. If not, no biggie - I can suck it up and get over my phone issues! However, if this is the case, would it be okay if we planned it, so I would know when to expect the call?
Looking forward to your thoughts.
All the best,
Crystal
Hi. Work is hectic for all of us. And, no thank you on the coffee idea, I have never acquired the taste. We can meet in the afternoon on Tuesday if you would like? Please feel free to call for a short conversation cell#(number was here) and the house# (number was here). I am working this weekend, and I really do not know what time I can get out of there. I can call if I get away early and maybe we can meet in Alvin. - Jimbo
Tuesday sounds like a great option if weekend options don't pan out. If something comes up and you are available over the weekend please feel free to give me a call. I can even do late evening if that works best for you. Assuming you aren't exhausted after long day at work.
Funny thing about coffee, I don't like it either. It's just that so many people do that I just assumed that you would too.
Maybe Chili's or Joe's would be a good middle ground?
Thanks for your contact numbers, don't know what I would say if I called ... but who knows, I might think of something.
Hope you have a great evening.
Best,
Crystal
After this email, I leaned on Tony and my dear friend, Lana, and a few others pretty dang hard. I was nervous. Was I doing the right thing? Should I meet with him or should I call it all off? Lana was being protective of me and didn't think that it was a good idea to meet him. What if he really was a nice and genuine guy? What if I liked him? And, what if I got hurt again? She has been a great friend to me during some really tough times. She didn't want to see me sad again. I thought that was very kind of her. At the end of the day, his words were the ones that kept spinning around in my mind. "If nothing else, at least I have gained another friend in life!"
So ... when he was able to get out of work early on Saturday, I decided to meet him. I was shaking with nerves and my palms produced a constant stream of sweat as I made my way to the meeting spot. I made two wrong turns and I second guessed my decision several times. I also listened to the radio really loud!
You see, I have this thing about music. It calms me, and in some respects it defines me. During those few challenging days last year, there were a few songs that I listened to over and over and over again. I actually even blogged about them, HERE. I had the song "Closer to Love" by Matt Kearny playing when I turned into the parking lot. I sat in the car until the song finished and I mustered up the courage to climb out. It had just stopped raining and the parking lot was all wet and steamy. The dark clouds were still filling the sky. I pulled the door to the restaurant open and he was standing there waiting. I knew almost immediately, that I didn't have anything to be nervous about. He recognized me immediately, reached out to shake my hand and then he gave me a big hug.
We were seated at a table where we chatted for what seemed like forever. In one word, dinner was EASY ... that's the best way that I can describe it. Everything about it was easy ... the conversation, the feelings, the decisions, everything!
I was so nervous about meeting him that I made a list of questions that I wanted to ask him. When I broke out my list and put it on the table, he laughed, but then answered each question one by one ... without hesitation.
He described his shock when receiving the email from Mom. He said that he spent a lot of time wondering if he would receive a call of this kind when he was younger, but he never expected a call after 28 years. He didn't really remember Mom, but did remember the details that she mentioned in her initial email. It was only because of the details that his interests were peaked and he became curious. Past that he described his intentions in meeting me by saying, "I see this as an opportunity to simply help a young lady in life. If a little bit of blood or spit gives you peace, then I will gladly give it." I kept telling him thank you for being so open, available and honest. He said that he didn't know how to deal with it any other way, he was just being himself.
Obviously, this turn of events rocked his world too. He and his wife have been married for 18 years. He laughed as he described the way that "the email" had become the ongoing topic of conversation in their house, much like it had in ours. The morning after reading the first email, Jimbo was leaving for work and his wife hit him on the butt and said "Have a good day, Daddy", we often still laugh about that morning. Dad described Becky's reaction to the news, and it left me with the impression that she had always taken the change of events very well. She took one look at our photos, and she never second guessed that I was his. It was also very evident and apparent that Dad completely adored Becky. And, by the way that he described her, it seemed that she wholeheartedly returned the sentiment.
A major theme of the evening was reviewing the "what if's" ... what if he had known about me earlier ... would it have changed his life ... would it have prevented him from meeting Becky?" We decided then and there that we would not allow the "what if's" to change our perspective. We would have a "new beginning" that started that night.
What's amazing to me is that we were able to share this kind of conversation even before we really even "knew".
Needless to say, the conversation was filled with a nervous excitement on both parts. At some point in our talk, I apologized for any pressure that I may have created for him to meet me so quickly. Mom had only emailed him on Tuesday, I found out on Thursday and by Saturday we met for the first time. He kind of laughed and said that he thought that he was the one doing the pressuring. I remember being so thankful that he felt that way.
There were so many neat moments that made up that night. I talked about a conversation that Tony and I had before dinner. Tony asked me what my priorities were for my meeting. I told him that I just worried about Jimbo and where his heart was. I wondered what his wife thought of all of this, and I wondered if it was truly okay to move forward with all of these questions. That was neat because while I was talking Jimbo was looking at me with this puzzled look on his face ... and said, "Becky and I just had the same conversation about you and Tony." I felt that we shared a sense of compassion for others in common. He also called Tony by name several times at dinner that night; it made me realize that he had really given a lot of thought and concern to Tony's perspective in this situation. That gave me comfort.
Another really cool moment was when the Matt Kearny song began playing in the restaurant. I still get chill bumps when I think about the meaning of that song and the perfect moment that it played. As I listened to the first verse in the background of our conversation, I couldn't help but smile. It created a peace within me that I hadn't felt in days. If you haven't yet, you really should listen to it. You can do that now by clicking here.
Anyway, as I was saying ... that first dinner was so good. We discussed paternity testing at several different times throughout the conversation. Every time the subject came up he would begin with ... "what do YOU want to do?" The emphasis on my wants and desires struck me every time, he was so kind. It was pretty obvious that curiosity was driving him nuts too, but never once did he pressure about timelines, modes of operation, etc. He was very okay with letting me lead, taking my time to discuss the issue with my physician and he also agreed that a medical test might best. We tentatively planned to meet at the doctor's office on the following Thursday, since that was the next day that Dad had off.
There was also lots of conversation about what if YES and what if NO.
If yes, I felt from the very beginning that it would be really, really easy to build a relationship with this person. He was very forward about introducing me to family, friends, etc. He also looked forward to meeting Tony. However, he was also really concerned about my current relationship with dad. Would I have to tell him? Do brother and sister have to know? He said two or three times that he wouldn't want this information to be used as a dagger into someone else's heart. This was another surprising moment for me. He cared sincerely about Dad/brother/sister heart/pain.
If no, we agreed that we shared a very unique story in common. It would have been easy to continue a friendship on that basis alone. He shared the "excitement" that this has added to his life, as he found himself running to the computer often to see if there was an email from me. He said that he has never found a relationship through technology to be that easy. I found that refreshing.
It turns out that we didn't have to wait a week to complete the paternity testing. But, that my friends, is a story for another day. ;-)
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